mary van milligen

Truth is…I’m more of a night person.  The fact that I selected a career for over two decades that requires me to rise around 5amish still amazes me.  I readjust during the summer to my happy, nocturnal nuances, but before I know it, it’s August, and I return to the unforgiving before the sun rises clock and shift myself into morning mode.

This new “shelter in place” way of life prompted me to summon my midnight and more mindset.  But even after the late night hours, something else kept me up a bit these days. I, like a good handful of the world that swiftly sails a faith flag, succumbed to dreary moments. And when I did sleep, I found myself dreaming of scenarios where I desperately protected something or someone I love.

 Fortunately, those vulnerable visions declined this week.  I avoided signing up for the dance marathon where you tango with fear, do the mambo with negativity, and the waltz with panic. And I also encouraged myself to simply grieve for a moment.

I love being home with my own children and am grateful for this additional, quality time with them… but I also miss my students and my classroom. 

Throw me into a new project and I’ll thrive.  I’ll press my place of yes power button on, and I’ll make the best of remote learning.  Like an Emperor Penguin, also flightless, I will adapt and cooperate with others as I face harsh conditions to give my “other” kids the resources they need to thrive and engage with the material.  But no matter what clever and creative concoctions I create, it doesn’t replace the culture that I love. That I enjoy. That I willingly and eagerly invite to wake me up at 5amish.

I guess I’m writing this to say it’s okay to have a moment.  Even when you know you have much that is going your way, that you are safe, that you are loved, that you have perspective, that you believe in hope, that all of your necessary comforts are met, that you have the ability to help others, that you can take this one day at a time and really mean it…it’s okay to pause and project what’s necessary to strengthen the most vital component that can’t be purchased and delivered from Amazon.  The frequently needed, highly recommended ,and never completely out of stock item- our spirits.

Now, I’m going to take another moment and finish watching episode 1, season 5 of Peaky Blinders…